OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
