Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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