i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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