.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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