if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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