On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just cropdusted the office
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
