I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
