I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
