My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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