i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
