good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
