the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
