My sheets look like a crime scene.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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