as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
