I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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