On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
