I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
