maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
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I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
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He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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