In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
