so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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