I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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