don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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