I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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