never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
