I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize