I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
