About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
