Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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