Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
