My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Are my feet made of real feet?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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