i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Just cropdusted the office
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
