sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
