when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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