I accidentally burped into my bong.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
