I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
