Well douche your snatch and let's go!
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize