well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
