walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize