that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
