We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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