No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize