I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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