this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
