I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
