the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
