people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
