you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
