Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
