my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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