so explain again why im purple
no
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
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nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
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Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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