Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Found your dick twin last night
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
