zippers are such a cool invention
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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