I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
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