If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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