Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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