Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
