it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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