Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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