He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Randomize
