??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
my sisters under your porch take her home
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
