Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
