You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize