Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
