fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
